Time gave both darkness and dreams to you...
Music: Silence...
So, the first week of school went pretty well, except I'm really tired, for some reason. I really need to practice, but my arm and wrist are a little sore, as well as my chops. Grrr...what a way to start out the year. Anyhoo, I'm playing principle oboe in the youth symphony @ College of the Canyons, so that's pretty fun. The prinicple flute, a 15-year old named Doug, is REALLY good - he whoops my butt when ornamenting the Water Music...Our conductor, a guy named Robert, is pretty sexy, too, for someone his age - I wouldn't mind getting to know him...
In more specific oboe talk, I feel I've progressed a lot in the last year, however, I still feel like I suck, especially in ensemble playing and in lessons; I don't get it; I don't know what goes on inside my head (does anyone...), but I don't like it; it's like this: I'll get the note(s) prepared and know what I want to hear and such, but it doesn't come out - granted, more practicing is a given, but still, I'm not a beginner, so why am I having so much trouble, lately? It's sooo frustrating, especially when you're younger than everyone else there and they're so much better. It's times like these (now) where I know I need to practice more and work harder, but at the same time, feel so discouraged, tired/not with it, and just sometimes hopeless, that I wonder why I'm still playing. Lessons w/ Allan as always inspiring in the fact that I know that someday I might be not as far away from his level as I am now and that he appreciates my efforts and thinks that I have it in me, but @ the same time, why can't I find that and use that as my internal drive? I also feel like whenever I try to "make music" it's just not working; like I have nothing left to give and I'm just playing notes - that's NOT what I want!! I mean, it's sad when I get more moved by listening to music rather than playing it, because I'm concentrating more everything but making music. Grr...Also, my intonation lately SUCKS!! I don't get it - I used to pride myself in high school on ALWAYS playing in tune, but now I feel like I can't do it - I'm always sharp and my perfect pitch does NOTHING to help; I feel so screwed over...speaking of perfect pitch, I hate the fact that it comes and goes and sometimes I feel like I'm losing it...it's scary...I'm so, um, not sure what to do or think at them moment except sleep and eat...
On a happier note, having my car is awesome; I LOVE having the freedom it provides, but also, I really enjoy having is sort of be my dictator of sorts - I don't want to buy gas all the time and pollute the environment more than it is, so I try to make only one trip a day - to and from school. That also makes me focus more on what I need to do, since I'm not just walking across campus anymore at any old time...
I miss my friends - Sarah, Kristina, Doug, and of course, my brother, Jordan, and sister, Sonya. However, I'm glad for the friends I have here, even though we don't see each other much or really hang out. But, it would be nice to just be able to call someone up and meet for coffee or go shopping and then see a movie on the weekend, or catch lunch everyday, if possible. I mean, it's just those little things. However, I DO feel that it's good to be away from people for awhile -distance does make the heart grow more fond, but, in my case, it allows me to be myself and to grow where I need to. So, all in all, I'm beginning to think that my lack of a "love/sex life" and smaller base of friends is a good thing - the friends I'm closest to really understand me, and that's a good thing. The interesting thing is that a good deal of them are a year or two younger than me and still in high school...
I miss my kitties!! Enough said here...That's the only love I allow in my life - family/friends. I think they're all one needs, anyway. I just miss cuddling w/ my kitties and taking care of them and watching them live their own lives - they make me happy and make me laugh - always a good thing....
In Enya land, there is drama galore...I know music IS dramatic, but this is ridiculous...people just don't get it...I won't go into detail, but it's not really pretty. The new album will probably come out in November, but, who really knows? In the meantime, we shouldn't be criticizing and complaining, and such. Grrr...
In a final music note, Doug is almost done w/ my piece; i'm excited...more on this later....
So, the first week of school went pretty well, except I'm really tired, for some reason. I really need to practice, but my arm and wrist are a little sore, as well as my chops. Grrr...what a way to start out the year. Anyhoo, I'm playing principle oboe in the youth symphony @ College of the Canyons, so that's pretty fun. The prinicple flute, a 15-year old named Doug, is REALLY good - he whoops my butt when ornamenting the Water Music...Our conductor, a guy named Robert, is pretty sexy, too, for someone his age - I wouldn't mind getting to know him...
In more specific oboe talk, I feel I've progressed a lot in the last year, however, I still feel like I suck, especially in ensemble playing and in lessons; I don't get it; I don't know what goes on inside my head (does anyone...), but I don't like it; it's like this: I'll get the note(s) prepared and know what I want to hear and such, but it doesn't come out - granted, more practicing is a given, but still, I'm not a beginner, so why am I having so much trouble, lately? It's sooo frustrating, especially when you're younger than everyone else there and they're so much better. It's times like these (now) where I know I need to practice more and work harder, but at the same time, feel so discouraged, tired/not with it, and just sometimes hopeless, that I wonder why I'm still playing. Lessons w/ Allan as always inspiring in the fact that I know that someday I might be not as far away from his level as I am now and that he appreciates my efforts and thinks that I have it in me, but @ the same time, why can't I find that and use that as my internal drive? I also feel like whenever I try to "make music" it's just not working; like I have nothing left to give and I'm just playing notes - that's NOT what I want!! I mean, it's sad when I get more moved by listening to music rather than playing it, because I'm concentrating more everything but making music. Grr...Also, my intonation lately SUCKS!! I don't get it - I used to pride myself in high school on ALWAYS playing in tune, but now I feel like I can't do it - I'm always sharp and my perfect pitch does NOTHING to help; I feel so screwed over...speaking of perfect pitch, I hate the fact that it comes and goes and sometimes I feel like I'm losing it...it's scary...I'm so, um, not sure what to do or think at them moment except sleep and eat...
On a happier note, having my car is awesome; I LOVE having the freedom it provides, but also, I really enjoy having is sort of be my dictator of sorts - I don't want to buy gas all the time and pollute the environment more than it is, so I try to make only one trip a day - to and from school. That also makes me focus more on what I need to do, since I'm not just walking across campus anymore at any old time...
I miss my friends - Sarah, Kristina, Doug, and of course, my brother, Jordan, and sister, Sonya. However, I'm glad for the friends I have here, even though we don't see each other much or really hang out. But, it would be nice to just be able to call someone up and meet for coffee or go shopping and then see a movie on the weekend, or catch lunch everyday, if possible. I mean, it's just those little things. However, I DO feel that it's good to be away from people for awhile -distance does make the heart grow more fond, but, in my case, it allows me to be myself and to grow where I need to. So, all in all, I'm beginning to think that my lack of a "love/sex life" and smaller base of friends is a good thing - the friends I'm closest to really understand me, and that's a good thing. The interesting thing is that a good deal of them are a year or two younger than me and still in high school...
I miss my kitties!! Enough said here...That's the only love I allow in my life - family/friends. I think they're all one needs, anyway. I just miss cuddling w/ my kitties and taking care of them and watching them live their own lives - they make me happy and make me laugh - always a good thing....
In Enya land, there is drama galore...I know music IS dramatic, but this is ridiculous...people just don't get it...I won't go into detail, but it's not really pretty. The new album will probably come out in November, but, who really knows? In the meantime, we shouldn't be criticizing and complaining, and such. Grrr...
In a final music note, Doug is almost done w/ my piece; i'm excited...more on this later....
posted by CW at 10:50 PM
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