I want my own kitchen

Grr...I really wish I had my own apartment or even own home (yeah, I know, I don't have $$$), my reasoning simple: I HATE the T.V. and I want my own kitchen that will be able to handle everything I dish out (no pun). Like, for example, a BIGGER cooktop is a must, and, it must be gas. Tonight I made my Alaskan scallops and fettuccini dish, and had to make too many compensations because of inadequate equipment - a 2 burner cooktop doesn't cut it, nor a lack of counter space, bad pans, and no general motivation in whatever I cook. I know everyone is supposedly tired, but I mean, come on; I really enjoy cooking new and exciting stuff and being adventurous, yet I feel no support, even though the huge and beloved French cookbook was a gift. I'm so tired of not knowing how to do things the real way (and not the box mix way) and feel like I have so much to learn about making great things from nothing. I mean, it seems that the majority of the music industry is able to do that, with exception to the great part, so why can't I when I cook? On a completely selfish note, I really hope that I'm able to be successful with my career someday where I'll be able to design, build, and live in my dream home in northern (or southern...) Cal.
Had another long chat w/ Jordan - he's such a sweetie, apologizing for not calling me back...I'd honestly forgotten that he said he would, since no one usually does, so I was "impressed" and kinda like, "wow...how sweet." To question my other friends, is loyalty that hard, even over distances (aka. Chicago people)? It seems to usually be me initiating things, NEVER the other way around. I know they're still young, but...I'm not mad or anything, but more questioning as I said. Why do I get the feeling people aren't telling me everything?

To completely change subjects, I need a man; No reciprocation is necessary (or really wanted, for that matter; I'm a bottom boy, remember?) except maybe a minor makeout session, but that's all dependant on my mood, lol. I just want something that will rock my world physically, as well as emotionally, if possible. However, in order for that to happen, both parties have to be in somewhat of the same mindset, so hopefully Mr. Best Friend/Fuck Buddy will show up in the fall. As much as I like being alone, things do occasionally get lonely, so some company would be great.

Enough of my depressing ramblings - I need to go practice or something. We love the oboe.