Wahhhhhh
Okay, this is going to be a long, bitchy post. Skip if you so desire.
So, I'm not sure where to begin. I feel quite put off from a few events lately, and they're not even that big of a deal and I shouldn't even feel this way. But, I do. One was a rather...presumptuous email from the mother of a oboist who orders reeds from me (well, her mother emails me). She was quite tactless and demanding. I was rather taken aback and smirked a bit. But, it's like, "Okay. You're a grown woman and a mother, so you need to set a better example for your daughter. I don't take kindly to having demands put on me, particularly from someone I don't know. And, you need to just chill out." Grrrrrr. It's money and good reed practice, so I'll do it, but damn. She needs to get laid or something. I'm not used to being talked to like that. In response, I sent back a very sweet, kind email...as mother would say, "reaping coals..."
I'm having doubts about my quintet. There's been talk of a new oboist in town, a "real pro," this Liz person who has totally alienated 2 major players/teachers in the area. Apparently, she's really good (from Eastman) and has a quintet that's competing in New York, blah, blah, blah. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but it bugs me. Maybe I should start looking for other clarinetists, etc., just in case. I don't want to say much more, but, for some reason, the way this has all been presented and such, it bugs me. I have no reason (I don't think) to feel this way. Grrrr.
Sometimes, I just don't want to deal with people. The older I get, the more I hear, the more cynical, critical, etc. I get. But, I also get really into what I'm doing, artistically, in order to try and make a difference. Yet, I feel like I can't go on like this, as it's so taxing. I wish someone would tell me how to feel in every circumstance in life, or that there was a guide to these types of things.
Ugh. And, it's raining. I hate rain, unless there's a badass storm behind it. It's so depressing, which I don't need. Despite things going well for awhile, I'm still depressed. I think it's just...normal for me.
So, I'm not sure where to begin. I feel quite put off from a few events lately, and they're not even that big of a deal and I shouldn't even feel this way. But, I do. One was a rather...presumptuous email from the mother of a oboist who orders reeds from me (well, her mother emails me). She was quite tactless and demanding. I was rather taken aback and smirked a bit. But, it's like, "Okay. You're a grown woman and a mother, so you need to set a better example for your daughter. I don't take kindly to having demands put on me, particularly from someone I don't know. And, you need to just chill out." Grrrrrr. It's money and good reed practice, so I'll do it, but damn. She needs to get laid or something. I'm not used to being talked to like that. In response, I sent back a very sweet, kind email...as mother would say, "reaping coals..."
I'm having doubts about my quintet. There's been talk of a new oboist in town, a "real pro," this Liz person who has totally alienated 2 major players/teachers in the area. Apparently, she's really good (from Eastman) and has a quintet that's competing in New York, blah, blah, blah. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but it bugs me. Maybe I should start looking for other clarinetists, etc., just in case. I don't want to say much more, but, for some reason, the way this has all been presented and such, it bugs me. I have no reason (I don't think) to feel this way. Grrrr.
Sometimes, I just don't want to deal with people. The older I get, the more I hear, the more cynical, critical, etc. I get. But, I also get really into what I'm doing, artistically, in order to try and make a difference. Yet, I feel like I can't go on like this, as it's so taxing. I wish someone would tell me how to feel in every circumstance in life, or that there was a guide to these types of things.
Ugh. And, it's raining. I hate rain, unless there's a badass storm behind it. It's so depressing, which I don't need. Despite things going well for awhile, I'm still depressed. I think it's just...normal for me.
posted by CW at 7:40 PM
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