Aight. So, this is probably going to be a bitchy post. In fact, I KNOW it is. However, this is the only place I can just outright complain, kick, scream, whine, bitch, etc. w/out anyone saying anything.

However, let's not start that way. Since I've been better, I've noticed that my appetite has really gone down a lot. I think this is great and hope it will contribute to some weight loss. Interestingly, I LOVE to eat, cook, bake, etc., but maybe this will help me combat my overeating tendencies. We can only hope.

Yesterday, Gretchen came and coached the quintet - it went REALLY well and everyone seemed to enjoy it and get something out of it. I think we'll definitely improve! Not much else to say, since you kinda had to to be there to experience it.

I've been battling Finale for the afternoon, trying to figure out how to get a cadenza properly notated. I'm arranging Pasculli's "La Favorita" for oboe & piano for quintet - should be quite interesting - we need something flashy, showy, and totally virtuosic. And, this way, everyone (except probably the horn) will have some notey, technical stuff, or @ least some melody. Sorry, Kris! But, I gave you melody in other stuff. I'm also trying to finish the Kalliwoda arrangement, but am stuck with the stupid piano part in the middle waltz section. Range-wise, it seems the clarinet is the only one who can easily pull it off. Gr. Silly instrumental limitations!!

I really need to make some more reeds. I'm getting down to the wire with them. So, probably tonight during T.V., I'll tie some on.

Gr. Again, I bitch about how I need to get laid. Lansing really isn't the place to live if you're gay. All the men here are A.) weird B.) relationship-minded) C.) not interested or D.) straight. How am I supposed to be a balanced individual when such a basic need isn't being met on a regular basis? This is NOT okay. And, I'm beginning to think I have a love/hate relationship with attractive men. They're obviously unattainable, so why be attracted. How I WISH some things would change. Either someone be interested in me for once, or something. I feel like I don't know how to get what I want these days. Or, if I do, it never works. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

So, I should be home practicing. But you know what? I'm SO unmotivated right now. I have placement auditions coming up and I should be working my ass off on the excerpts and Mozart, but I just don't want to. Part of me wants to do well and place well, but the other part just doesn't give a royal fuck. It could care less about ensemble playing. I'd rather just work on solo literature and chamber music. I mean, band and orchestra literature is good, but it's about the brass, clarinets, strings, and saxes. In other words, YAWN. I think the bassoons are even worse off...so @ least we can commiserate. There are so many little stupid details that just don't make sense to me in the excerpts. At least I can understand the Mozart and like playing it, but why does it ALWAYS have to be that piece. Um, there are PLENTY of other concerti to choose from. Martinu, Strauss (God-forbid), Vaughan-Williams (ick), Goosens, Eichner, Albinoni, Vivaldi, Lebrun, Krommer, Sammartini, Dittersdorf, Fischer, the list goes on. I mean, something DIFFERENT!! Even the Mozart oboe 4tet would be a welcome change. EEIIIIAHHH!!!!!!

At least Adam is coming soon - I really need some time with my BFF. We always pick up where we left off, never tire of each other, and always have a good time. I think he's one of the few who really "get" me. But, spending 2 years in school together helped.

Oy. I have to pee really badly, but don't want to get up.