Sunrise, sunset...

NOTE: This may be just random and not make much sense. Such is the life of my thoughts at times. And, I have a slight headache. I NEVER get headaches; this is quite distracting.

Ya know, sometimes silence and solitude are a great thing. It's been a crazy 2 years (almost) since I came home from L.A. and some of the most rewarding things have happened. However, I feel as though I haven't grown in my "love" (for lack of a better word) life any. There just isn't the huge collection of gay men in this intermediate area that seem to work for me. That being said, I have one friend, Mike, who is great. I love the guy to bits (in a buddy way, not romantic) and am always glad when we hang out - it almost feels as though I have a mentor who can relate to certain aspects of life. And, it's nice to sometimes be around someone who isn't into music at all. I can sorta clear my mind from all of that for a bit. And, he's great in bed. We're not meant to be romantically involved, but I'm okay with that; it's just nice to have a GUY friend I can lean on once in a while for advice, friendship, intellectual/stimulating conversation, and great sex. I have way more female friends, which is awesome, but barely any guys, particularly any gays. So, while having one great friend is cool, it would be nice to branch out more. I mean, gay friends my age that I hang with on a regular basis? Ha. Lansing? Right. My best friend lives in Toronto. Not exactly a short drive. Gr. I am hoping Ann Arbor has a bit more to it than just a great university and artsiness.

So, this week has been the MSU CMS band camp. I find it quite incredible that I am now the oboe coach, some 12/13 or so years after I attended as a camper. Eek. I'm old. Anyhoo, it's been quite a workout this week - I have 3 kids this time, each completely different from the other. There is the best player, an 8th grader with a Loree Royal. He picks stuff up quick, is learning to make reeds, and is taking lessons with an MSU grad. Then, there's the quiet, sweet girl who's a student of a friend from the community orch. I play in. She's on the right track, has a great instrument (Fox 330). The youngest is a 7th grader who's really quiet, but plays ÜBER LOUDLY. He has an...okay instrument and I gave him some of of my reeds. However, I'm not finding my groove, teaching-wise, with them. They're getting everything I say, but I'm not sure if they really do. I don't want to bore them or overwork them. This is a tough age to teach. I'm thinking there needs to be an overabundance of oboe students in the next few years so I can get a few and at least work out some of the kinks in my teaching. I really hate knowing what I'm talking about, but not being able to relate to a kid.

Hm. I just listened to a recording of some of my demo songs and some covers I did. Not bad. I think my style is pretty unique. Yes, there are obvious influences, but a good dose of me. I think I have an interesting timbre to my voice. I haven't really recorded the more "classical" sound to it, but none of the songs I've done have required that. I think my songwriting, musically, is decent - I can write a song that uses more than I, IV, and V and still make it catchy. Lyrically, well, they're not particularly artful, poetic, brainy, or profound, but they ARE incredibly honest and clear. That is a direct reflection of me. So, the question now remains - how the hell do I get my stuff to someone high up? All I want to know is whether the industry thinks I can make it as an artist on a label or not. This is how I would love to make a living - by writing, recording, promoting my albums. Various collaborations with other artists and groups. Maybe scoring some soundtracks or other soundtrack work. Maybe do one studio album, then an oboe music album for a classical label with a recital tour? Leave it to me to find a career path that has no definite rules, way to being hired, or guarantee of success. However, I HAVE to try or I'll never be happy. I have wanted this since I was 13. Ai.

So, that was a bit of a brain dump. My head hurts. I'm going to get H20. Maybe that will help. Then, maybe some tv time with mom. However, I'm really tired and a bit grumpy. Maybe another early night...