Wah!

Tonight is the season premiere of "Project Runway." I'm excited. There are some super HOT guys this season...yummy.

I'll find out after Thanxgiving if I'm going to Glasgow or not. I was thinking...there are so many things in the field of logistics if I do go...ugh. I also need a shaper tip if I go...funny how that's my main concern heaven forbid I can't make reeds while I'm over there. And, of course, the romantic Chris is wishing for something good to come about in the love field if I go. (sigh)

I really should be practicing, but I'm taking a night off. I honestly don't think I would've gotten anything done, anyway. I'm just sort of...exisiting @ the moment. Having my computer gone and my oboe in need of a doctor's visit is disconcerting. Allan's Loree is nice, but it's not mine. I finally got my reeds to make sense (knock on wood) on it, and I'll probably end up playing the Gran Partita on it...grrr. Oh well. Normally, I wouldn't care, but I feel like my oboe identity lies with my instrument, in terms of tone and such. Plus, my oboe and I have this connection, in terms of response, pliability, and techinique.

Hmmm...I'm ready for a break. This semester is flying by faster than any other. Why the crap didn't high school move this fast? OH, and speaking of high school, my fucking College Prep English class never counted for college credit. I really wish they would've told us that and/or CalArts would've let me know that, so I could've taken Writing Arts and not be in the Critical Studies mess I'm in. Grrrrrrr...

I think it's time for me to have a sexual encounter again. I need it, not only want it. I also need a boyfriend.

More to come. My hands and wrist are tired. Blah.

I'm still alive...

FINALLY, a new post after about 9 or so months...I know, there's no excuse, but, oh well. So much has happened in this time, so I'll just give some highlights that I can remember off the top of my head:

~ My 2nd recital (@ home) went very well and I felt very alive.
~ I got a normal job during the summer, like a normal college kid should. However, it was at the sacrifice of not going to Idyllwild or doing any music festivals...but I needed the break.
~ I FINALLY got over my first heartbreak and all is well, in fact, never better, between the 2 of us.
~ I'm about 1/2 done with my demo, in terms of having things recorded. Or, maybe 2/3 is a better estimate.
~ I had a decent sex life from the last 1/2 of the last semester through the present, although I'm slowing it down.
~ I had my first concerto performance last semester, as well as one earlier this month.
~ I realized that it's alright to not care what others think about you and to just be yourself. Silly, yes, that I just figured this out, but I really think I get it now.
~ I turned 21 and didn't drink on my birthday.
~ I'm expanding my wine palette.
~ I'm still @ a state of confusion with my faith and sexuality and how they can peacefully relate. I'm fine with being gay, but everything else seems to feel like walking on eggshells. This may not seem like a highlight, but it's definitely something that's always there, somehow.
~ I realized what a great family and friends I have.
~ I'm applying to grad schools (this is more of a pain, actually)
~ I might be studying in Glasgow, Scotland next semester.
~ I realized it's ok and good to trust your 3 best friends - Synthony & Adam.
~ I'm becoming a much better musician and oboist.
~ I'm maturing as a person.
~ I like sushi.

There's more, but I can't remember them. Life has had some great times and some really shitty ones, but I'm still alive and kicking, so I guess something good has come out of it all, lol.

My time here @ CalArts has flown by so very quickly. It feels like forever-ago and yesterday that I was a naive, scared freshman with no real ideas about life and how to make sense of college, much the less CalArts and the LA music scene. Now, I feel much more grounded and like I have a firm foundation on which to base my musicianship. I can't believe I'm already applying for grad schools and going through all the BS, I mean, paperwork that's involved for it, as well as putting things in motion to go to Scotland. I mean, who would've thought that me, the chunky, Asian music nerd from Webberville would be where I am now, complete with social and sex lives.

This is completely random, but I really hope I get some gigs as Christmas draws near. I really need the money, but I just love playing them, as well. It's fun and more beneficial to do this stuff outside of school. However, I just wish I could dress how I wanted to, which isn't bad, if I do say so myself. But, oh well. You can't have it all, sometimes. So, if there's anyone reading this who wants to hire me, please let me know.

At the moment, I'm feeling tired and hungry, and I don't want to go to my piano lesson tomorrow. Plus, my oboe situation is bugging the hell out of me. I like Allan's instruments, but they're all pitched so damn low and are totally different than mine, so all of my reeds sound terrible and I can't get their potential. Sometimes, I just want to scream.

The boyfriend search has once again resumed. I'm so damn fickle about this, I know, but right now, and more than ever, do I feel really lonely and like I need someone. There's too much depressing shit to tell here, but to sum it up, I feel like it's a catch 22...but, I guess, that's what I get for being me and being in my position right now. It just really sucks total nuclear waste sometimes...

Blah. Nothing more interesting for now, but I do promise to try and keep updated. After all, it's a good thing to get all of the junx out of my head. :-)