Survey says?

Music (Album): Enya

So, I'm waiting for my water to boil for my lunch. Not too much going on, otherwise. This last week was very interesting, regarding the interim classes. As I've said, I really enjoyed Rachel's Athletic Musician class and I hope that she can sometime teach it as a full time class. The world music classes were cool, too. I got to play a gamelan!

On a more personal level (the real reason of this post), I'm still feeling shitty. I talked to mom yesterday @ the mall, and that turned out being a heated argument that I hung up on. I talked to Matt for a good 90 minutes last night - that was fun. I miss him. To get down to it, I feel lonely, stupid, immature, totally unmotivated to do ANYTHING school or music related (except listen), totally confused in general, as well as physically fucked up in many ways. And the worst part about it is that I can't pinpoint one reason why I feel all this; it's like it's been creeping up to me over the last few years, including high school. I mean, I had my doubts then, but they weren't as strong - there are times I feel like I'm right back in high school, mentally...

As far as the music goes, well, I'm not so sure anymore. It's almost a catch 22 in a lot of ways. I really just don't know anymore. I don't think I'm the type of person for this career - I'm beginning to think I'm all talk and no substance, in a lot of things.

Aye...

One by One...

Music: Enya (mix CD)

I'm talking to Chris right now via IM. Thought I'd let you all know that...

So, I've been thinking over my current state of mind and how damn fucked up I've been. I'm still not sure what the answer is, but it's probably something I don't want to deal with, like having a bigger social life (I have enough to get by, in my opinion) or even a relationship (rolls eyes)...
Though, with regards to the relationship thing, I have a few points laid out, in no particular order:

~ I'm not what guys today are looking for in any way.
~ I'm too busy.
~ I don't want to be distracted.
~ I don't want to waste time on something that won't be worthwhile or last a decent time.
~ I don't want to feel like an obligation or anything like that to someone else - at the same time, I don't want to always be thinking about him, or have to feel like he's an obligation. Obligation is a bad word, but it's the only one I could think of.

Okay, I'm tired; I was going to post more, but that'll have to wait.

It's a romantic kind of evening...

Music: "Aquaria: A Liquid Blue Trancescape" (Diane Arkenstone)

Okay, first of all the post date on the last entry is WRONG - it should be the 19th, NOT the 8th...
Regarding the title of this post, a little earlier, the wind was blowing, I was listening to Enya, and for a few minutes, I felt very odd, as if I wished I was with someone on a date or just spending time together outside or something...I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was weird. I DO know that Enya is the perfect music for sitting in one's car and just chillin' out - great date music I'll have, if I ever get to that point.
This weekend, Allan's concert went great - it was a lot of fun, as Janice and one of their friends, a folk singer, went. The car rides were great (except for the traffic due to an accident on the way there), particularly when the car kept adding miles to the already low gas tank...the concert was in Glendale @ the Alex Theatre, which is a pretty nice place. Great acoustics in the balcony. Jeffrey Kahane, was, of course, amazing with those 3 piano concertos and everything else. Wow. I only wish I could play piano that well.
Anyhoo, we started the 2nd week of interim today - things went well. The rehearsal for "In C" was okay - a LOT less people than before - we seem to be losing people...Rachel's class, "The Athletic Musician" was REALLY good - it's good material everyone should know, she's a great teacher, and I got a flex band for $5. Tonight has been spent making reeds...I'm about to tie on something like my 6th or 7th blank...grrr...
I also got a CD from Allan with some playing by Robert Bloom. He sounds so great on the Sinfonia from Cantata 156...I LOVE that piece so much...
Got to go briefly, but I'll probably post later on tonight...

Amid the Falling Snow

Music (Album): "Amarantine" - Enya

Wow! I guess it's been awhile since I posted; heck, I'm already back @ school and the first week of interim is almost over...so, let me fill in some blanks that I've been neglecting:

~Thanxgiving: A pretty normal day - I picked up Chris and we went to Starbucks for a quick drink. As we turned a sharp corner, Chris's chai latte tea spilled all over my car - I wasn't and still aren't fazed or anything - it doesn't smell and doesn't seem to be a problem. We then park and are waiting @ the Newhall train station, eagerly awaiting the bus to take us to Bakersfield. The bus was an hour and a half late...Chris was having a fit and I was just chillin' out listening to Cher...Cut to Bakersfield - the train was PACKED - we ended up sitting first class as there weren't any seats left - it wasn't a bad ride and after the girl next to me left, Chris and I shared the seat. Aunt Brenda picked us up and we then headed to Chris's church, as the head of the puppet team was WAY behind in making pies...this is worth a post in itself. Long story short, I helped clean up some (washing dishes) and Leona and I took a girl home and then went home, ourselves. Thanxgiving day was great - got a relatively good sleep that night and then had delivered pies w/ Leona - certain parts of Fresno remind me of a 50's/60's Beverly Hills. We had fun. We returned to dinner and had much fun and good laughs about how cranberries are good for one's urinary tract...We then hung out and watched "Pot of Gold," a great black/white movie. Chris and I then headed over to his dad's sister's place, and I got a warm welcome from Ed and Aunt Marty. She makes the BEST tortellini soup, ever...we watched TV for a bit, including a great episode of CSI, the rest of a Survivor Guatemala, and a South Park, which featured turkeys and even though I hate to admit it, had a few funny moments, however, I felt dumber afterwards...we spent the night and then I left via train the next morning, listening to "Amarantine" the whole way...the only bad part about the weekend was the smoking, as I could feel the effects for a few weeks.

~ The next few weeks flew by, with concerts and whatnot. I got a wonderful present from Allan - I'd asked him to buy me one of the Chudnow double stands and I'd pay him back; when he took my oboe to Michelle to get fixed (damn low Bb!!), he picked one up and told me it was a Christmas present, as well as this lovely reed-soaking dish and some bottled water. He also gave me a copy of the Mozart concerto score to work on over break. And speaking of oboe, apparentely Gail has decided to take a leave of absence, as she's unsure of what she wants to do.
The last Friday before break was odd - I'd packed on Wednesday and some on Thursday, and finished before Mike took me to the flyaway in Van Nuys. I wanted to be @ the airport @ 4 for my 5:30 flight, and he said that the bus could get me there faster than he could. The bus left @ 3 and we were on our way, however, we didn't get to LAX until 4:35. For a good half of the entire bus trip, I was having a silent fit...traffic on the 405 was HORRIBLE - I don't think I've ever been on it when it's been that slow...anyhoo, I run into the airport and check my bags, and then do a pocket check, only to find that my phone is gone - I kept taking it out of my pocket on the bus to check the time, and the last time, it didn't go in far enough, so it fell out when I got up. I then run up to security and get through easily. Thankfully, my gate was the first one...however, the flight was delayed until 6:30. So, I'm tired and pissed and set myself down. Since it was Beethoven's birthday, KMozart had all of his music playing today - I tuned in to hear the entire piano quintet and a cello/piano piece of 12 variations. Interestingly enough, there were quite a few hotties around me, including a few miliary men, so that kept things interesting. Finally, when I'm on the plane, I'm next to this GORGEOUS blond guy...and his girlfriend. The flight left on time and was REALLY short - 3 1/2 hours...I've NEVER had a flight that quick to Detroit...anyhoo, it was uneventful, except when the poor flight attendant dropped one of the drawers from her drink cart on the floor. To finish, I met the parents @ the airport, had dad suspend my phone and we gathered my luggage and, as tradition states, headed to Tim Horton's. Since the flight was delayed, we didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning...
The week before Christmas went QUICKLY, with shopping, catching up w/ Katie and Jordan, and everything else. I played mostly oboe @ church those 2 weekends. Christmas itself went well with church in the morning, me preparing dinner, and us opening presents. I got my Altieri gig bag, as well as some CDs, Shell gas cards, a B&N gift card and a Target card. Lucky me! Everyone else loved his/her presents. Dinner was a traditional turkey dinner, which was great and if I remember correctly, mom and I watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." The next 2 1/2 weeks weren't too terribly memorable, as they went quickly as well. Here are some highlights:

~ Lesson w/ Dr. King @ UM - she's @ Idyllwild again this year and said I'm doing well. A great success!! After that, dad and I had lunch at a nearby restaurant (with hot guys as the waiter and host) and then went to Novi, where we had fun @ The Great Indoors...
~ Jordan and I hung out on New Year's Eve, as we went to Wal-Mart and bought a TV for Aggie's house, where I ended up giving him a bj...
~ I saw "King Kong," "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," and "Brokeback Mountain." All three are GREAT and I highly recommend them all. All have great men, as well.
~ I finally experienced a Houlihan's restaurant @ the Lansing Mall and found out that they have an awesome calamari salad. However, everytime I think of Houlihan's, I think of one of my favorite stories: "Working it Out" by Don Hanratty...
~ Matt and I got much closer over this break, as we had lunch 3 times. He's such a good friend; I'm really glad to have him as one. I finally did come out to him, as I told him last week in an email. More on that later.
~ On my last Friday, we went clothes shopping for mom, and if I do say so myself, she got some great stuff - I even wish some of it had a male equivalent so I could wear it... we then got together w/ Gretchen for dinner @ Cheddar's and then I had a reed lesson w/ her afterwards - we got caught up, which was great. I lent her "Amarantine" over the weekend and we compared notes on it.
That's pretty much my break in a nutshell - I didn't really practice as much as I wanted to, but I think I spent the time as well as I could, otherwise. I also brought home the school's oboe d'amore in Allan's case, which was interesting. Such a unique oboe, but it has a mind of its own when it comes to intonation. I must say it was nice to not really buy anything...

So that's the majority of the last few weeks - I'll update more tomorrow about current life!