Not too much going on - just biding my time...I think I'm so depressed now that it doesn't matter if I get a job or not.

Church is really pissing me off - people are always complaining about music - the older crowd wants the traditional hymns while we continue to bring in and perform the newer stuff. My loyalties, I have to say, lie with the older crowd - I LOVE hymns over newer music for this reason: Musically, hymns KICK BUTT over the majority of newer "worship music." I totally understand about creating music that really fits what one wants, etc., but at the same time, a little respect and perhaps KNOWLEDGE of basic music theory would be greatly appreciated. Don't get me wrong, some of the stuff is pretty good, but it falls short of being what it could be...in this respect, hymns are superior. Sure, they're not everyone's favorite, but life, as unfortunate as it may be @ times, is about making compromises when needed. Ai...

Stylistic issues also play a part here, but I'll just say that a lot of people don't understand rock, "dance pop," or techno/ambient music anymore than they understand Baroque, Classical, Romantic, or 20th Century music...so, I can empathize w/ Mike the guitarist about that issue. "I love Rachmaninov!" "Bless you; here's a Kleenex." "I've played a lot of Baroque music this year, like Bach, Vivaldi, Zelenka, and Handel." "What?" "That electric guitar is too loud." "Gee, I'm standing RIGHT NEXT TO IT, so don't you think I'd notice? And don't pull that 'you're young and like it loud' shit with me...some of us are more refined than that..." So, amongst the venting, my point is that people need to appreciate music for what it is - an expression of something. This is particularly true in church...how interesting...as far as the music I dislike, I honestly call music something with a discernable melody that makes sense, as well as a harmonic sequence that follows. The way it's framed also is very important.

Also, why do we perform the SAME MUSIC week after week? A little aural and cerebral stimulation is always good, church or not. Why not make the most of the ENTIRE experience? Just asking...

Enough venting for now - some of the NASCAR drivers are kinda cute - hmmm, rich, cute...sure I could care less about what they do, but who cares; they would just be a sugar daddy...I need money while I get my feet under me. Sure, it's sports, but since the arts mean nothing to our dictorial, narcissistic, uncultured, rednecked government, one must do what one must to do make a living and ultimately, make a difference for the better.

I wanna be alive again...

Watching: "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?"

I love this show...I'm actually laughing, except when mom made the comment about gay marines...

As the Cher title implies, I do very much 'wanna be alive again;' this last month has been sooo frustrating, for a lack of better word. I thought for sure that my room would be done by now, or close to, and we would be sorting through all of the boxes and I wouldn't have to hear mom complain about the guest room being full of my stuff. So, the major lesson I've learned (and should've had figured out by now) is to NEVER make plans when dealing w/ my parents, especially when one is on a schedule...AIII!! It just really pisses me off because they know that I have things to do and things that need to be done in a timely manner, so what the hell is the deal? To refer back to the title once again, I've realized how DEAD this area is...my "social life" is almost as dead as my sex drive. Only 7 more weeks - I think I can hold on. And if I don't make any money this summer, well, I guess I'll have to deal with that and hopefully get a job out at school.

On a much more positive note, I got a card with pictures from Italy from Meredith. The pictures were great and it sounds like she had a great time. I'd love to see her again and just hang out-she was always great fun.
Katie called today to say "goodbye" before she leaves for Washington D.C. tomorrow morning @ 3. I really hope that she has a great time, 'cause she deserves it.
I also need to go see the new Batman flick; apparentely, everyone's into producing and releasing prequels of famous movies. That, and I'm also curious to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," but not sure if I want to put up w/ all the romance and shooting. Oh, why can't Brad Pitt just do a porn flick? Can't wait until "The War of the Worlds" is released.


I've decided to post my thoughts on Michelle and Carly's voices and who they remind me of:
Carly - Celine Dion or a gospel singer
Michelle - a lighter version of Moya Brennan

I'd love to try a track with both of them singing lead and Michelle doing layered backing vocals. I think it would sound great. Either that, or a group thing with Carly, Michelle, and Diana. That also would be quite gorgeous. For male vocals, I'd love to sing w/ Matt - he's got such a great voice.

I want my own kitchen

Grr...I really wish I had my own apartment or even own home (yeah, I know, I don't have $$$), my reasoning simple: I HATE the T.V. and I want my own kitchen that will be able to handle everything I dish out (no pun). Like, for example, a BIGGER cooktop is a must, and, it must be gas. Tonight I made my Alaskan scallops and fettuccini dish, and had to make too many compensations because of inadequate equipment - a 2 burner cooktop doesn't cut it, nor a lack of counter space, bad pans, and no general motivation in whatever I cook. I know everyone is supposedly tired, but I mean, come on; I really enjoy cooking new and exciting stuff and being adventurous, yet I feel no support, even though the huge and beloved French cookbook was a gift. I'm so tired of not knowing how to do things the real way (and not the box mix way) and feel like I have so much to learn about making great things from nothing. I mean, it seems that the majority of the music industry is able to do that, with exception to the great part, so why can't I when I cook? On a completely selfish note, I really hope that I'm able to be successful with my career someday where I'll be able to design, build, and live in my dream home in northern (or southern...) Cal.
Had another long chat w/ Jordan - he's such a sweetie, apologizing for not calling me back...I'd honestly forgotten that he said he would, since no one usually does, so I was "impressed" and kinda like, "wow...how sweet." To question my other friends, is loyalty that hard, even over distances (aka. Chicago people)? It seems to usually be me initiating things, NEVER the other way around. I know they're still young, but...I'm not mad or anything, but more questioning as I said. Why do I get the feeling people aren't telling me everything?

To completely change subjects, I need a man; No reciprocation is necessary (or really wanted, for that matter; I'm a bottom boy, remember?) except maybe a minor makeout session, but that's all dependant on my mood, lol. I just want something that will rock my world physically, as well as emotionally, if possible. However, in order for that to happen, both parties have to be in somewhat of the same mindset, so hopefully Mr. Best Friend/Fuck Buddy will show up in the fall. As much as I like being alone, things do occasionally get lonely, so some company would be great.

Enough of my depressing ramblings - I need to go practice or something. We love the oboe.

Watching: "The 4400"

Forgot to mention that I got a new phone yesterday: an LG camera phone for a really good deal from the Verizon store when we switched plans. Cool phone and earpiece.

Talked to Christopher today-seems to be well, but, like myself, not really enjoying being east...as I've said, I miss California a lot.
Also talked to Jordan today to tell him that I found a spot for us if he's interested (which is where I'm practicing...). He said he doesn't really want to fool around anymore, which is confusing for a few reasons:
A.) He says he's bi, and I'm ready and willing, but doesn't want to. Am I really that unattractive or boring?
B.) We just had a conversation regarding the difficulty of getting laid in our area. Again, I'm ready and willing...eh, okay...see point A.
C.) He never really gives me a straight answer on anything - an ultimatum would be great.
So, I'm thinkin', 'hey, dude, what's the deal?'
Regarding the topic of my new practice place, I've taken over Dad's Bell Oak office. It's great - AC, GREAT acoustics, private, and has a bathroom. I think it's going to be cool and I think I'll get some quality time in.

Regarding sports camp, we have 4 major issues this year of equal importance:

A.) Playing w/ in the style.
B.) Mike's guitar is TOO LOUD - he's a good player, but a bit too egotistical and HE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO BLEND AND FIND HIS PART IN THE ENSEMBLE.
C.) Rhythm/Staying together/Drummers. Enough Said. Grrr...
D.) My keyboard issues.

Slow Update

Music: Celtic Woman (PBS Special)

Yeah, I know I haven't updated in awhile but life has been so slow and blah that there's not much worth telling. The last entry is a bit unorganized, but oh well. I've seen the last Star Wars three times now and enjoyed each time. I'm just waiting for War of the Worlds to come out - looks to be great.
Jordan is dating Meranda (we all knew that was coming one way or another; I mean, come on, just do it.) but I'm confused with whether or not he wants to keep fucking or not. Either way, I don't really care, but a solid answer would be nice so the tension doesn't get unbearable and I can continue to get used to a life of celibacy and single-ness. It's for the best, so I'm justified in my cause, even though a quickie might actually be fun.
In the world of my room remodeling, all the wallpaper that's not behind the bed or bookcase is gone and I'm now awaiting everything else to happen...I can say I don't think I've ever seen my room so empty.
Unemployment sucks. I've applied to 11 places now and I'm getting so desperate that I think I'll just try @ fast food and break my rules. Wah!!
So, in general, I'm so frustrated and depressed. I really miss L.A. so much right now and the life of school. Life here just isn't for me, so I'll be so glad when I can go to Idyllwild.
In music terms, I've had 2 lessons w/ Gretchen and have set them up. Now, dammit, if I could just find a place to practice...like I said, life just sucks here for me. I've GOT to practice-the break is nice, but I'm so freakin' bored and need to work. I think I'm just going to use the TDS outpost thing in Bell Oak, as the advantages are that dad can let me in, it's got AC, is completely concrete, and, hopefully, no one will bug me...I can't stand being under the microscope and the constant noise that is home...no offense to the 'rents, but I'm just not up for all the noise, unorganization, and lack of motivation. I know there are other factors that filter in, but still, grrr...frustrated, depressed.
I talked to Doug about a week or so ago and I just feel like everytime I talk to him I'm just rambling and making no sense, like some teenybopper w/ a stupid, schoolboy crush. I'd love to take him to Cedar Point - I found great prices on tickets @ Meijer's and Dad said that a train ticket to E. Lansing is $70...not bad...however, it's his parents' decision and I somehow feel that it would be awkward to have him here @ home. I also sometimes feel that I'm the one who is more into our friendship...
I went down to GSP this last Thursday and had a great time - now, as an adult, I really was able to appreciate the place so much more.

Not much else to tell, except that I feel like I keep running into dead ends everywhere and dammit, it's fucking frustrating and I just wish life would just go my way for once. I've gained a few pounds and being home doesn't help that - AHHHHH! I swear, I'm going to fucking go nuts if I don't get some excitement and normalcy in my life. I hate the fucking T.V. Long life Bach, Beethoven, and the finer life. I don't think I'll ever own one someday-seriously- I get my news online and don't really watch anything - I can watch DVD's on my computer.