Last Day.

So, today is my LAST FULL-TIME WORK DAY!!!!! Enough said. I went Bake 'n Cakes this morning and got this awesome 10" tie-dyed cake with "Oboe Mania" written on it. It was a bit pricey but worth it; creamy icing, moist cake. However, I'd like more chocolate flavor - it's a bit weak. I need something stronger. But, it's still good. Really good. I should've gotten Irish cream or something special-ordered...

Anne from the string shop got me a teapot and bag of tea from World Market - SO SWEET! As if I didn't love her enough!! Totally not expected - I LOVE good surprises!

Sitting here @ lunch provides an interesting profile of people. I've discovered that I really need to get it on with a DILF. Like, bad. There are a few that come around here (Frandor Panera) and site all happy with their wives and kids. It makes me roll my eyes and think, "Dude. Come on. You dress like a gay man, you have a nice job, looks like lots of money (must be to support those damn kids & wife), so why are you wasting it all on them? I'm a much better value. And probably much better in bed." Grrr. Stupid attractive straights. They're so missing out. Like the hot UPS dude that comes by on a daily basis.

Speaking of sex, I've pondering how my priorities have changed to be centered around it a fairly large amount of time. I mean, it seems like I'm ALWAYS using it as a second motive for doing things. Is this normal? LIke, if I had to break down my life, it seems like the 3 things that most concern me are: money, music, and sex. I've been told that thinking about the one thing that makes the world go 'round ($$), the thing I love and hope to make $$ off of (music) and personal gratification (sex) is perfectly normal and acceptable. Maybe sex is like my getting drunk, smoking, getting high, etc. It seems no one likes to talk about it in public, particularly the breeders. How lame. So, I'm here to say (or, rather, type) that I LOVE sex. I love gay sex. I love men. I love cock. I'm safe and cautious, but not ridiculously picky, either. I'm pretty slutty, but whatever. Some people are alcoholics or potheads. I just happen to be a people pleaser in some ways. So there.

OMG. There's a REALLY hot blonde at the table next to me. I think he's alone. Yummy. I bet he's hung. I want to throw in him around (nicely) in bed. Holy fucking shit, do I need some. It doesn't help I have thing for blondes...rrrarr...

Change of topic. The cats were going nutzo this morning. Lexi came running in my room meowing and hissing up a storm. I thought she caught a mouse, but apparently not. She WAS nosing around in the catnip last night, so maybe she did this morning, as well. Keys was like, "WTF?!" Silly kitties.

La di da. La di da. Ba dum duh dee dah day. I'm thinking in one of my recent songs, I'm going to just vocalize the melody in the chorus section. I just don't think lyrics are going to work in this piece. The verse is going to be instrumental. The sound of just vocalizing is pretty fun - almost like scat-singing, in a way. But, it's nice to just sing and not worry about words.

Okay, enough rambling. People who read this - leave comments! Please!

Damn reeds.

Music: Nancy Ambrose King (Krommer Quintets)

So, my reeds have mounted a hideously effective mutiny. I'm not happy. I don't have time for this - how the hell am I supposed to practice when I don't even have properly functioning reeds? Grrr. Thank God for a lesson today.

I just completed my quintet arrangement of Pasculli's "La Favorita" concerto. It was quite a challenge, but a good one. Mainly just learning some more different functions in Finale, like how to create a cadenza. I just wish it would notate things a little more succinctly. Sometimes spacing and beaming are issues I can't fix for whatever reason. But, anyway, it should be fun - every instrument gets a good run of their range and a good technical exercise. But, I'm excited. I left most of the hard shit to the oboe part...hopefully, we can play it sometime in the near future (fuck. I have to learn all those notes...)

I've been talking to a guy from Kalamazoo online for a few weeks now. I'm curious to meet him. I wonder if/when we will. However, I'm very wary of getting into something even remotely romantically-hinted. With school, I think it'd be a terrible thing to do to myself. But everyone says you'll do it if it's right and works. How do you know? I need facts, not feelings. The last time I went on feelings for something like this, it ended up a disaster. BUT. I do need more friends. No denying that.

I'm getting excited about school. I hope to get more involved than I was @ CalArts. More on this later.

Let it Rain...

Music: Sarah Brightman

Another week. Time certainly is a fickle thing - there are times where it seems to just DDDDDDDRRRRRAAAAGGGG on and on, ad nauseam. Then, of course, there are the times in which it flies by way too quickly. It can get a bit confusing sometimes and I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

I think I'm FINALLY (knock on wood) back to normal, now. I just can't afford, in any sense of the word, to get sick anymore for a while. It just can't happen if I'm to be productive. Ugh. But, I'm thankful I have a good immune system and can usually bounce back rather quickly, with the help of drugs. I do believe in some natural remedies, but quite honestly, if there's a quicker, more effective way to solve a problem, then I'm all for it, provided the side effects aren't really awful.

As I listen to Sarah Brightman, I'm always amused and quite a fan of her versatility. Even within the same song, she can go from a pop sound to a classical sound, vocally. I think it's amazing, as so many other singers seem to be locked into one thing or another, where Sarah seems so comfortable bouncing back and forth. I hope to achieve the same thing someday with my own music and artistry. Why be in a box?

School is starting soon. I was browsing through some of the performance opportunities and student groups earlier and was getting really excited. I'd really like to get into some sort of vocal group again, as I really miss singing on a regular basis. Some of the a capella groups look really interesting, as well as the traditional glee club. I'm also wondering what opportunities I can find for advancing my music technology knowledge and getting more done on my demo. There is the school "label," something like M records or the like, so perhaps there's an open door there? I just need to get this thing done and out the door. However, what may help in the near future is the fact that the UM computer store has Logic Studio at a REALLY NICE price...like, w/in my budget...oh so tempting. But, yes. This demo project is close to being done - I can feel it. I have some vocals to record, some extra parts to put in and maybe one or 2 more pieces to record. Goal is before the holidays. Then, off to as many people I can think of that have some sort of input in the music business...

(Music change to Celine Dion)

I'm finding myself spending A LOT of time @ the coffeeshop these days. I'm thinking it's a combination of having my own time, around people, but without having to interact, the nice decor, freezing cold temperatures (yes, I LOVE it that cold - so comfy when your car doesn't have AC anymore), very attractive baristas, and free internet. Not to mention the drinks are good. But, I just feel so...in touch with myself sometimes. Sure, I can't really work on recording or writing much, or really listen to music (overhead music is too loud), but I can use the internet, work on documents and Finale, all without any interruptions, save for the occasional pee break. It's great. I wish I had more time on my own without anyone else bugging me.

So, I've done quite a few quintet arrangements over the last months. Like, 16!! I mean, that's a lot. Currently, I'm working on "Morceau de Salon, Op. 228" by Kalliwoda and Pasculli's concerto on themes of "La Favorita." Yes, they're oboe pieces, but I think they've got a lot to offer in these arrangements. Sometimes the piano parts can get hard to condense (see Kalliwoda...), but it's a good challenge. I've found that this is a lot of fun, a good hobby, and is helping to expand our repertoire, particularly on the pop side.

I'm getting so tired of my job. I'm okay once I get started, but sometimes everyone just bugs the fuck out of me (save for Mom and Dad). It's like, just let me do my thing. It would help if certain people would work, too, but whatev. I've been getting weird vibes from others, too, but I'm starting to not care. I'm approachable and if you've got a problem, you better come talk to me because I'm not going to guess. I don't have time or energy for that. Just get over yourself and talk to me. I'm just glad I'm not quitting completely, but this full-time thing is getting old. Underpaid and overworked for what I think is too much. Sure, I agreed to it in the beginning, but I had no idea what was really going on. What WILL they do w/out me on a regular basis after they've had me is going to be interesting. Gah.

(Music change to Cher)

Gay. Gay. Gay. Sometimes I feel really gay, other times, not so much. I just wish it was easier to tell with other people, in general. I don't have a very good gaydar, which sucks (no pun). As I've said before, I just think there aren't any gays around here, or not any my age that I would want to hang with, anyway. Oy. If I could just meet someone with similar interests, "morals," ideas, etc., that would be great. It would be nice to know for a while that I'm not crazy and that there are some others who think like I do, regardless of how unique I am.

Ugh. It's 12:30 and I'm not even really sleepy. I should be in bed right now, but I'm too involved in writing here and doing other stuff. I didn't get to practice today like I'd planned, but I did get some good reed time in. So, I guess it's a compromise. I just hope I can get these damn excerpts. It doesn't help that I feel strangely out of shape right now. Like, my endurance feels shot lately, even though I haven't really changed my playing habits. I'm thinking it's a reed thing, but we'll see. Hopefully I can get it back. I really need to start practicing my ass off with not only excerpts, but with the Gillet music, as well as my recital music...Pasculli is almost there; just some technical things to clean up and solidify. It's coming along nicely. If I could just get past this stupid mental block about practicing and pride. Maybe a trip to Gretchen for some neurofeedback is in order...

(Music change to Enya)

Okay, I think I'm done brain-dumping for now...

Updates on updates.

Last post, in my angst, I forgot to talk about some recent events.

~ Debbie paid me for the wedding in the COOLEST freakin' coffee mug ever - it's white, has a slight flare at the top and has manuscript of the Vivalid C minor oboe sonata around it!! This is particularly poignant, as she and I performed that on my "And Winter Came..." recital back in '08. I think I was (and still am) way more stoked about the cup than the cash inside...

~ So, our beloved kitty, Keys, had to have 3 teeth removed last Monday, as they were infected. Poor guy is almost 13, so I guess it's getting time to start watching his health a bit more. He's been remarkably healthy over the years, though, so that's been a real blessing. He seems to have bounced back just fine and it's not really noticeable that he's missing any teeth - even one of his fangs. We're just glad he's not in pain (hopefully) anymore, is recuperating well, and will hopefully keep well!

~ I never thought this would happen - Grandma & Grandpa Wheeler have moved into an assisted care facility. Long story short, mom and dad just got back this weekend from helping this move this last week. Should be interesting to see how things develop.

~ Lately, I've been seeing LOTS of hotties @ the coffeeshop, but naturally, they're all straight. I sometimes wonder if it would be any easier if I was a chick. Then, I could flirt my slutty little ass off and maybe get some.

~ Ugh. I'm so ready to be DONE with this job. At least full time, anyway. It would be nice to find a real job someday that I won't get bored with and that pays well.

Aight. So, this is probably going to be a bitchy post. In fact, I KNOW it is. However, this is the only place I can just outright complain, kick, scream, whine, bitch, etc. w/out anyone saying anything.

However, let's not start that way. Since I've been better, I've noticed that my appetite has really gone down a lot. I think this is great and hope it will contribute to some weight loss. Interestingly, I LOVE to eat, cook, bake, etc., but maybe this will help me combat my overeating tendencies. We can only hope.

Yesterday, Gretchen came and coached the quintet - it went REALLY well and everyone seemed to enjoy it and get something out of it. I think we'll definitely improve! Not much else to say, since you kinda had to to be there to experience it.

I've been battling Finale for the afternoon, trying to figure out how to get a cadenza properly notated. I'm arranging Pasculli's "La Favorita" for oboe & piano for quintet - should be quite interesting - we need something flashy, showy, and totally virtuosic. And, this way, everyone (except probably the horn) will have some notey, technical stuff, or @ least some melody. Sorry, Kris! But, I gave you melody in other stuff. I'm also trying to finish the Kalliwoda arrangement, but am stuck with the stupid piano part in the middle waltz section. Range-wise, it seems the clarinet is the only one who can easily pull it off. Gr. Silly instrumental limitations!!

I really need to make some more reeds. I'm getting down to the wire with them. So, probably tonight during T.V., I'll tie some on.

Gr. Again, I bitch about how I need to get laid. Lansing really isn't the place to live if you're gay. All the men here are A.) weird B.) relationship-minded) C.) not interested or D.) straight. How am I supposed to be a balanced individual when such a basic need isn't being met on a regular basis? This is NOT okay. And, I'm beginning to think I have a love/hate relationship with attractive men. They're obviously unattainable, so why be attracted. How I WISH some things would change. Either someone be interested in me for once, or something. I feel like I don't know how to get what I want these days. Or, if I do, it never works. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

So, I should be home practicing. But you know what? I'm SO unmotivated right now. I have placement auditions coming up and I should be working my ass off on the excerpts and Mozart, but I just don't want to. Part of me wants to do well and place well, but the other part just doesn't give a royal fuck. It could care less about ensemble playing. I'd rather just work on solo literature and chamber music. I mean, band and orchestra literature is good, but it's about the brass, clarinets, strings, and saxes. In other words, YAWN. I think the bassoons are even worse off...so @ least we can commiserate. There are so many little stupid details that just don't make sense to me in the excerpts. At least I can understand the Mozart and like playing it, but why does it ALWAYS have to be that piece. Um, there are PLENTY of other concerti to choose from. Martinu, Strauss (God-forbid), Vaughan-Williams (ick), Goosens, Eichner, Albinoni, Vivaldi, Lebrun, Krommer, Sammartini, Dittersdorf, Fischer, the list goes on. I mean, something DIFFERENT!! Even the Mozart oboe 4tet would be a welcome change. EEIIIIAHHH!!!!!!

At least Adam is coming soon - I really need some time with my BFF. We always pick up where we left off, never tire of each other, and always have a good time. I think he's one of the few who really "get" me. But, spending 2 years in school together helped.

Oy. I have to pee really badly, but don't want to get up.

Groan.

Sorry for a brief absence - I was stricken with an odd viral (seemingly) infection that lasted Saturday through Tuesday night. It was like a dry flu; all the symptoms of a classic flu, but no congestion or anything like that. But, E Gads, that headache was a killer. Usually, I don't get headaches on a regular basis and am fairly certain that I don't get migraines, but this may have my mind changed. Ugh. Anyhoo, it left as quickly as it came, thankfully. But, I still don't have my appetite back (or, moreover, the desire to eat, even though I'm hungry) and am feeling a bit tired, still, though not chronically like I was before.

Kenny & Emily's wedding was great - beautiful location (Lott's pond across the road from Bill & Debbie's), perfect weather, and everyone looked great. Emily's dress was gorgeous, fit her perfectly in every way, the color coordination was spot-on, and the sunflowers were perfect. The funny part was waiting for the bride to arrive via Corvette...she was a tad later than expected, so I ended up just riding the cycle around on Pachelbel. All in all, a short ceremony, got to see some people I haven't seen in a while. I'm pissed I had to miss the reception because of my illness (it hit right after I started driving home). I even got to try out my new pants I got with Gretchen a few weeks ago - I LOVE them.

My piano-ing was...in my opinion, okay. I could've done better. But, I did the best I could. I'm too tired to be negative about my playing right now and everyone seemed to love it, so that's all that matters.

I'm so pooped right now. I have several other things I have to update on at a later date: 1.) the cool oboe cup Debbie paid me in... 2.) Keys' dental surgery...3.) Grandparents moving to care facility...4.) more of my brain dumping.